Is best to not want all the details, as you mentioned, yet him saying its "none of your business" will not help this situation that HE created, nor ease your pain, infact that attitude may create more resentment because he seems to be not willing to support/discuss the necessary things that need to be addressed, in order for your to, eventually, move forward. SO, IF he wants to fix things, he better start putting his big boy pants on & face this head on.

Hes had more then enough time to process what he was doing & now he needs to accept that fact that you need the same.

Would be wise to continue standing your ground & NOT let him deflect from your general questions, thats like asking you to sweep it under the rug.

Are you considering individual counseling, if affordable, as a professional would be capable of leading you BOTH through the obstacle course (ups & downs). If you really need to get his attention and get him to acknowledge certain issues/questions you have, then separation is another way to get him to wake up a bit, while giving you some much needed necessary time to think about what you really want in your life or what you may want to salvage out of this relationship.

He's got work to do & needs to get to it ASAP.

p.s. you can gain access to phone records by contacting your phone/cell phone company directly if necessary or you feel something is amiss.

Wow, thank-you for making me not feel like I'm going crazy! Your comment about sweeping things under the rug, hit's the nail right on the head. I said to him that, that is exactly what it seems like he wants me to do.
I've explained to him that the longer he sits back and thinks things will fix themselves is just making things worse. I honestly think that the only reason he has decided to stay and make it look like we're working on anything, is to protect his reputation. He's very well liked and respected in our community and he is self-employed. I really think he is more worried about the ramifactions to his life rather than our marriage.
I have looked into leaving, as he seems not willing to leave for a separation, but have had some friends tell me to stay put. That if it comes to divorce and division of assets, it would reflect bad on me that I walked away from our home. His lawyer could use that against me possibly. I know it sounds stupid, but I've been a stay at home mom to our 3 kids and have done all of our accounting books for our business for the last 15 years, so I'm really afraid of walking away with nothing.
The phone records are his cell and it's in his name. I never tried to call the company because I'm just assuming that they would not disclose anything to me. I have occasionally checked his phone itself, but I'm almost positive that he makes sure to delete anything he doesn't want me to see.
Yes, I have looked into counselling, am hoping to start in the next week, but it will only be individual counselling for me right now. He's not willing, and even though all signs are pointing to the fact that he does not care for me, his kids or this marriage, I am having a hard time giving up on us. I'm normally a very strong independent person, and the way this has made me feel so pathetic is really starting to get to me.
Thank-you so much for your words! So far, I have had no one to talk to that even remotely knows how I feel or where I'm coming from so that has made it that much harder.

If he's not willing to go to marriage counseling then he's not truely sorry and doesn't want to work it out. My advice is to leave or kick him out and tell him until he agree's on counciling you are seperated. If he still refuses then I suggest moving on with your life.

Some of what your friends are telling you IS correct, would be wiser to stay put till you consider other options for yourself. Should you choose to move forward w/divorce, this can be accomplished through your local court house for a smaller processing fee for filing paperwork IF things are straight forward OR consultations are free for first visits w/attorneys to obtain other options available.

Your gut instincts are probably spot on (your second paragraph) and his unwillingness to not work through this w/an individual counselor (yet make it APPEAR that he's working on it to save face amongst friends/clients) is obviously a big RED FLAG, as you already know.

Damn glad your handling the finances, that works in your favor. Is there a way to open a safety deposit box, paid 1yr. in advance, at another bank, in your name only or family members/friends name, to start stashing some cash to be utilized later?????

In reference to his cell phone records, I've read here (not sure where 2yrs. ago, probably through the older pages on the divorce site) that records can be accessed through ones computer & other means. I'm not a computer person so don't know the in & outs of it. I personally wouldn't consider it IF your sure your taking another path & just splitting assets, am hopeful your name is on the Deed/Title to the house, another plus & leverage tool for you.

I worked 20yrs and was a stay at home mom 20yrs. so I understand where your coming from.

http://www.divorceinfo.com/ carries a wide range of information to consider that one usually over looks when under stress, yet can't be taken in all at once, so when you have a moment & feel up to it, take a look while you continue here with us for extra added support.

Don't let this guy work on any of your insecurities, your a smart gal & got some more work to do now for your well being.

Thanks again for your wisdom and support! Unfortunately, there are really only a few people that one can turn to in these situations and even then, they can't always help with very much if they've never gone through it. Yes, it's possible that I could open an account at another bank for myself. It's definitely crossed my mind, but even have a hard time thinking about it, as it just seems so deceitful, lol, ironic hey? I may just have to get the nerve to do it, he wouldn't have a clue if I did, so that's an advantage for sure.
He's lucky that I'm not vengeful, as I've handled the finances for years and could have been pretty selfish if I had wanted to, but that's just not how I am. Yes, my name is on our mortgage title so that too is a plus.
He has agreed to do counselling but until I see it, I really don't believe it, but I'm willing to give him the chance. As far as finding out who she is, he is adamant that he is not telling me, and he says I don't know her, so I really hope that's true. He did agree to get his past call history printout, to show me that they haven't talked, but there is really no way to determine if they've texted or not. He had never registered his cell account online, so I tried to do that. I registered as manager of the account because to register as the owner, I would have needed his pin #. So it did register me, but to limited access "pending approval of account owner". So that really hasn't done me any good, I asked if he could call his cell service and have me added to the account to monitor his calls. He has been not willing to do this until a few days ago and he said that he would do it so he could prove they haven't had any calls between them since the last time when he had told me they apparently "ended it". Though he agreed to make that call to his cell service, about four days ago, still hasn't made that call! I guess I'm not too surprised.
I am going to start counselling for myself for sure, and as for him, who knows. At least maybe that way too, I'll have a little better idea on where to go from here. I'm not naive, I do know that things really don't look promising. The best way I've explained it to my close friends and family is that, logically, I know what I need to and should be doing, but my feelings are telling me not to.
Some days I do wonder why I'm trying, I do feel like kicking him out and just get things over so that I can move on with the rest of my life. Then other days, I don't feel the same way and think maybe we can get through this. This damn emotional roller coaster ride is crazy and exhausting, but I just try to keep plugging away one day at a time.
Thanks for lending an ear. It is really nice to be in touch with people who know what I'm talking about.

Wanted to check in & see how your weathering?

I do hope your still consider opening another bank acct. as that will help aid you in separate credit ratings and just help you stay financially independent regardless of which way you decide to lead in your situation.

I've probably watched too many Suze Orman shows LOL, but know she would have kicked my ass all over the place years ago and I would have definitely needed it :-) but would have been feeling a more secure about my finances & myself.