I would suggest going to couples therapy together to sort everything out. I think your at the point where you need to have professional help. He seems like he may be the cheating type and may have been cheating for years of your relationship. I would personally leave but you have 12 years together to think about. During the last 5 years I have ended 2 engagements because I found out both fiances were cheating. It was an easy decision because we were not married only living together. I moved out and didnt look back. Now if we would have been married I probably would have went to counseling and tried to fix it and find out why it is all happening. Please consider going to get help.

sodamhurt: Here's the thing... Blaming you because you didn't give him enough attention and being sorry are in direct conflict with each other. He's one, or he's the other.

If he is interested in accepting responsibility for his selfish, impulsive, immature, and entitled actions, he will be sorry, period. Not--- "I'm sorry BUT you didn't care about me and she made me feel special". That sounds like the biggest NON-apology in the world.

Until the guy owns his behavior, with NO excuses or blame, he is likely to repeat it. In his child-like mind, he was entitled to the fling, because of something YOU did which, of course, was not within his control, and therefore not his fault.

HUGE RED FLAGS with how you are describing your husband's "remorse". I think you are right to feel he will do it again. You don't deserve this.

Yes...I agree. If he's not taking responsibility for his CHOICE, he's not interested in working anything out. Part of the responsibility of the cheater that is remorseful and wanting a second chance is acknowledging that they are in the wrong. No excuses, no it's your fault. By him putting the blame on you...I don't care what the issues were...it doesn't give anybody the right to cheat. You do it the right way...express you disapproval and voice it..if it doesn't improve you make your way. You don't cheat and blame someone. Cheating in a CHOICE. A terrible choice that hurts like hell.

Absolutely!! Let him go. the internet cheating thing spoils relationships! If He wants to do that than He is already done with you

I don't really know how to respond to the statements that you are staying with this "man" because you feel sorry for him. I think a professional would have a heyday with that statement, and I'm not a professional.

What I can say, based on what you've written, and my own experiences with a cheater is this: You just haven't had enough. You and only you will know when you are done accepting the crumbs he throws your way. Of course he cried and begged when you said you were leaving. He had to do almost nothing (a little show of drama, play a role for a moment) and you caved in. He knows you aren't serious, and he doesn't take you seriously. When you are REALLY DONE, you probably won't tell him anything. You'll be so done that you won't want to watch his pathetic display of crying and begging (manipulative and controlling, and KNOWING it will make you stay for more mistreatment). You'll just be gone. No words, no drama, just gone.

For your sake, I hope your realization that you are 'done' comes sooner rather than later. You don't yet know what the rest of us in this SG thread already know... you are worthy of being treated better than what you accept.

Soft..

YOU are soooo right! I haven't had enough yet and don't know why it takes so much for me.. ;`( thanks for being so honest and telling me the truth!! I feel the same that when I am done I will leave without telling him!! I will just disappear!!! and change my number too so that he doesn't call me crying...because he will!

Nothing in life that is worth it, is easy. I really want you to understand that it was his CHOICE and that he needs to own it. It will be your CHOICE to stay with him. You will have to own it. Both decisions have fall out. I wish you nothing but the best.

THANKS MARLEY'S DADDY!

APPLAUD Soft

sodamhurt - am glad your letting everything thats being said sink in for a while, thats what all of us had to do too.....give yourself time & when ready, spend your valuable time researching other living options (quietly), this can be accomplished online, ducks in a row, focus on YOU, dont waste precious time trying to catch someone who will be caught...eventually.....you're worth more then that hon, scoop yourself up & show folks how an independent/mature woman handles business (& LOSERS)..... use this experience as a gateway to a wiser woman.....go through that door hon, life is waiting for you.....