Hello StayPosi,

Unfortunately your story isn't that unique, except for the sequence of events. Many times a guy/woman has an affair, pregnancy, and the offending party wants their spouse to help raise the child they had from that affair.

I think you need to do some serious soul searching. It's easy to forgive, but not so easy to forget. If every time you see this child, will you be reminded of his infidelity? If so, it will almost certainly have an affect on how you treat the child who is simply a pawn in this "game" the adults in his life are playing.

I will tell you that it would be a very special person who could accept all of this with dignity and grace.

Do you have children with this man?

Smile, God Loves You and So Do I!

What if you do and then he decides he wants to get back together with his child's mother. He hasn't proven to be a guy who appreciates a stable relationship.

Have you dated anyone since you broke up?

Were you married, or just dated?

I agree with Positive Vibes.... That is a very long way to travel for a huge risk on a man that has already proven untrustworthy....... In addition there is tha potential that he will go back and then take the child back to the other woman.

You would then be 1300 miles away from you support group AND alone. Sounds like a huge amount of risk for you and not much for him... He would be holding all the cards.

why exactly would you want him back?

I would be concerned because he has proven that not only is he capable of cheating on someone and leaving someone he has cheated on and left YOU.

you ditch your life and move yourself all of the way there... form a kind of family... fall in love with this man and child... what if he does it again? then you are far from home, left your job and your friends and your home and yu have no legal rights to this child.

it is a huge risk. only you know if you are willing to take it.

Hello StayPosi,

After reading your latest post, I'd suggest you tell him to give you 2 years to make that leap. If he keeps up the attention, and proves that he has changed, then consider moving. To do so otherwise would be a decision from your heart, not from your mind.

Smile, God Loves You, and So Do I!

I think if he wants to be with you. I think he should be the one to move not you.

Hi New York,

I think he would then be 1,300 miles from his child, which wouldn't be good for the child.

Smile, God Loves You, and So Do I!

honey.....I understand that you love him. And if you love children, you will fall in love with his child too. The problem is, he hasn't had time to proove himself to you. If he truly loves you and is sorry, I would wait and give him time to show you. And if he is, he will be willing to wait to. Its such a gigantic decision! I would suggest marriage counceling or counceling at your church before you make such a big decision. And lots of prayer....God has healed other relationships from this and can yours as well.

StayPosi, I've followed some of your posts, I do hope you'll continue thinking long and hard on relocating for this person & his child, as its easier for him to have a long distant relationship, because one doesn't have to deal w/the day to day ups & downs and as mentioned from other members, it feels good to think about the "what ifs" instead of the actual reality of the situation.

Would be wiser to focus on continuing your career, as you mentioned, keeping you financially independent/confident, safe & secure, maybe in time things will take a different path & he'll be able to move where you are.