Similar situation for myself Lego (my wife, almost identical story), totally understand how you feel....and no.....it isn't wrong for you at all to feel this way. I don't know how recent this was for you but you will be going through a lot in the next several months.....set clear boundries immediately! Message me if you need to chat.

Good luck, I don't understand why some woman, some man do the same dirty job. They have to be punished.

Lego, trust me she IS suffering & will be for quite some time for what she has created for herself as its torn apart these families & she will look back one day. Landser is correct in setting boundaries while you wade through this whichever way you decide to go w/the situation. We're all listening to you & support you as much as possible, I'm so sorry friend & please keep talking w/us when you feel up to it.

All my strengths.

April

Boundaries; like what? I'm so in love with my wife and this turn of events has affected me in such a way that I can barely think straight. It's difficult to go to work everyday without thinking about all of this constantly. I have seen professional counselling and my wife will be going with me next week. I'm not sure how that is going to turn out. I do know that both of us need to change in order to make this work but I feel like I'm not appreciated for the pride I'm swallowing by doing all of this for her. In my eyes at least; at this point it seems like no big deal to her and all of this can swept under the rug. She used to be a caring and compassionate woman, I'm not so sure anymore.

Lego, am hopeful that some light has been shed as you started counseling hopefully they can lead you through some of what each of you are trying to feel/do long term in life as it is a twoway street for compromising in a relationship for both parties so be patient & learn as much as you can for yourself & your wife as it all takes much needed time forsure.

All my strengths.

April

Lego, I went thru this with my wife unfortunately more than once. I now believe that a person that can cheat once will always cheat. The lies and deception come too easily to a person like that and they will eventually do it again.

LEgo,

Does she feel remorse? Has she FULLY expressed how SORRY she is? Is she fully embarrased by her behavior? Is she willing to do anything to rebuild trust? ie: show you her phone/email etc...just so you can verify communication is DONE.

If you TRULY feel in your heart and mind that she loves you and is so very sorry for her actions...then it may be worth giving her another chance.

I am in your shoes (6 months in since finding out).... It does get better....Still very hard at times....but the first 4 months are unreal and i would not wish it on my worst enemy...

One of the five million items i struggled with was "to stay or go"...I felt like staying makes me a SUCKER..only an asshole would stay with a cheater....If I stay and try to rebuild, that makes me weak....etc.

Well after some therapy and hours of thought...I concluded that leaving is the easy way out. I beleive her sincerity of total regret, and she has bent over backwarrds to show me love, respect and appretiation....I have come to slowly agree that it takes great strength to try and rebuild our marriage.

The hard part for you is step one...step one is to determine if you want to give her that chance..does she deserve it ? Thats for you to figure out, and it takes time..months.. also take hours of uncomfortable conversations between you and your wife.

Anyway - hang in there I know what you are feeling...nothing makes sence the world looks different, food has no taste all is wrong. You dont know who you are, dont know who your wife is...vivid images with your wife doing crazy shit with the other guy..feeling like everyone knows...feeling like you are half of the man you were..doubting basicly everything in life you thought to be true..

It really sucks...but, i swear - it gets better. I know it seems like you will always feel exactly as you do now...but, it does get better..you will be ok.

Lego. I have just gone tru the same thing. I hurts like mad. One minute you are ready to leave her. The other minute u can't live without her. I begged and pleaded with my wife to stay with me. I pleaded for her to stop communicating with the OM. But she said she loved him. And when I asked her what she wanted of me, she said she couldn't bear to let me go... I'm even more confused now. She loves the OM and wants me to be by her side? She said I was always away and neglected her, I admit, I could be a better husband, but that doesn't mean she can just go and do what she likes right. A marriage is a commitment. A lifetime promise. That is what I feel. I feel so cheated, I feel so hurt. My wife was the most gentle, pure person I knew. How could she have become this stranger I see now?? She still talks to him everyday, I know, she refuses to stop, she still lies to me and I know it. I am away again and I don't know what she is doing, she could be out, just eating fries, but the images that fill my head are turning me mad. I think I am too clingy, I think I acted too vulnerable when I approached her regarding her affair. I am setting up boundaries now. Telling her to stop, picking myself up. Even start grooming and exercising a little, it doesn't help much, but it helps a little, which is all we can hope for at a time like this. I prayer goes to you, pray for me too.

What a world that we live in!
liars, cheaters, deceivers, heart breakers, you name it.
i suspect my husband is having an affair, but he is denying it right down to the ground. all his actions show otherwise. lock on his phone,and when it rings, he would break down walls to answer it, going out and coming in any hour of the morning, secret calls in the bathroom, washing his underwear, sleeping on the sofa, has nothing to do with me sexually or in anyway, lock on his laptop, looks at me with hatred in his face, wanting to leave, extremely concerned of his looks, meticulously grooms himself, does his nails, always shopping for new clothes, very secretive, coming home with shopping bags hiding them in the closet and grabbing them on his way out. LIES? you name it. all of which he NEVER did until January. the pain is indescribable, but you know what, i am getting strength from God, i am looking out for ME now,ME! i've lost weight over this. i am praying that i be set FREE from him. i love him but i cannot love him to my detriment, or more than myself. NONESENSE!!! I've known this man for 5 yrs and been faithful as ususl. life is too short. this is ME time. i give up. let God deal with him.

lego39
I cannot imagine the pain, and did you say it was with a neighbour?
if this is so, that complicates things even more. do you think moving would help? if that's reasonable. you know what kills us, we think about them doing with another, what they do with us in bed. we think about them locking eyes with another just as they did with us. those thoughts become our master and we become the victim. we are being hunted by a demon, telling us every minute our spouse is not around us,they are with this person. we suffer hell on earth. HEEEELLLL NO!!!
THAT IS OVER. i tell myself, he is not worth it my sanity. HE IS NOT WORTH IT!!
your character makes you who we are, and if you have an unGodly character, you are obviously evil and i can certainly do WITHOUT that. the pain of loosing you will go away some time, but the emotional trauma never seems to go away. THERE! I FEEL BETTER. Well i would like to know that your marriage gets back on tract. i wish you well. i really do.God bless.

It's been a full year since the knock on my door that has changed my for reasons I will never really understand and just keep moving forward in the world. I have bought a home in another neighborhood and that has helped with my anxietysome but I still have to deal the fact that I'm breaking every moral value I believe by giving her another chance. When deep down my heart is so in love with her but my brain says she is going to do this again or she has already.
There isn't any commnication between us no matter how hard we try and she is just as distant from me as she was when pre-occupied. Ii still go to therapy every two weeks in hopes of keeping my sanity at the very least. She still just flat-out refuses to go; so what do you do. I'm preparing for a hard eight years and getting out of this miserable marriage. It's been over for me for a year. I can't keep breaking my back for her.

My first night on this site. I am in the middle of divorce proceedings right now, tried for four years to repair the marriage after my wife was unfaithful. she did not want her freedom questioned, so the die was cast, even though I tried about everything I could. the pain we experience from an unfaithful spouse is beyond description. I believe it is possible for a marriage to survive this type of betrayal, but it takes extreme effort, unconditional forgiveness, and a deep commitment.

My husband has asked me for a divorce and is eager to run away from his FAITHFUL, God fearing wife, who has treated him with love and deep concern. A wife who has been there with him in all the bad times, including SEXUAL FRUSTRATIONS to a point where i felt i would go CRAZY,NUTS. as soon as he got his health insurance and the doctor gave cialis, hmmmmm, he got happy and went out there. I deserved the financial, sexual stress (among others)but i don't deserve the good times. I will continue to be faithful by the grace of God, because this is who i am. i really need prayer for strength to go through this. people who know both sides of our story tell me, they don't understand why he is doing that, they have told him that They don't see the reason why he is so bent on leaving this good wife that he use to praise soooooooooo much. I know that,ALL THING WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM THAT FEAR GOD, and i do. please remember me in prayer because i think this thing is not normal, for a man to love his wife so deeply, and to hate her with such evil in his eyes without any good reason is beyond me. i use to be about 147 pounds, now i am 136 pounds. my ideal weight is 140, so i need to put those pounds back on or else i will begin to look like a ghost. Life is strange.

We don't deserve this................... but we must plod along in life with choices that you wish really never have to make. But we are just kidding ourselves; it comes down to what can you tolerate.

I'm sorry for how you've been lied to and used. After going thru it myself....I can honestly say that only God can change it all and put forgiveness in your heart. But He is also the one to change her. If you truly want to keep your marriage going then try marriage counceling. I pray all works out for you!

Lego, an endurance course, again I'm sorry for all your pain yet nice to finally hear from you.

I read your sorry and mine is similar. My husband and I have been a couple since I was 14 and over the past twenty years I thought we could get through anything, but I never thought we would have to get through this. I want him to suffer, cause I can not believe he was so willing to through everything away with a person he knew only one month. He says she was nice and attractive, and did not think I would want a divorce. He says he is sorry and does not know what he was thinking, but all I see when I look at him is all the lies and times he made excuses to "leave for work" just to be with her. I think I want to believe he is sorry but the hurt is so strong. Were you ever able to get past it because it has been only a month for me and all I can think about is there has to be other people in this world that wouldn't do this to me why do I still love him after he did?

Willrise I know what you mean I have also lost more weight and I was thin to start with. When my husband stop touching me I knew he was cheating, and he too denied it with everything in him that we had been together for 20 years and he was a man of integrity he would not do that. Then he would insult me for making such accusations. After I was able to get into their business emails I was able to find the proof I needed, but now that he lost his job and isn't seeing her anymore he says it was a mistake and sex is not the litmus test of love, he still loves me. 20 years and I never cheated and lord knows I have had plenty of opportunity and 15 years ago considered it, but never did anything with anyone else. I don't understand what goes through their head and why they think something like this is so easily forgotten.