Not good enough

The grass may not be any greener as you think. Sometimes ones mind runs amuck with all the "what ifs" & for all you know or your hubby is she may have a lineup of disorders along with men that even he isnt aware of which would make HIM second best in her eyes.

C'mon now dont beat yourself up any further, this woman thats choosing other married men has SO much inside her, that needs to be addressed, that it would take her years to work on, even w/a good therapist. Strong, confident, competent women dont hook up w/married guys, unless their esteem is so screwed up & probably alot of "Daddy" issues.......I rest my case, you get the point.

I'm sorry for what you've endured & your hubby has things he needs to address as your already aware of.

Abyss -

I am sure your pain is great, but the woman my husband cheated on me with was significantly less attractive than myself. In fact, when people see her they are shocked that he would cheat with such an unattractive woman. Talk about a self-esteem being destroyed. When they f*ck down, it's humiliatting to a degree I can't describe. Any affair is humiliating. But boy is it nice to hear April say that any woman who would have an affair with a married man has daddy issues. That's great, and makes me feel a lot better! This is the worst thing I've ever had to endure.

I know exactly how you feel Abyss. I saw a picture of the woman my husband was sleeping with and I was devastated...she is beautiful. I am always described as being "cute". I always hated this because I look younger than I am. And who wants to be cute? You want to be sexy! So, I never really felt beautiful unless I was with my husband. And then when I saw her picture I felt like she was sexy...that my husband didn't see me that way anymore. I too feel like he is comparing her to me. He says he doesn't but how can I believe him? He chose to sleep with her instead of me! I don't know if I will ever feel good enough for him. It's hard but know that you are not alone, and you are not worthless. I am sad that so many people have to go through this. I hope that we all come out of it stronger!!

Adultery aside, you were upset he was trying to support you getting in shape and healthier?

My fat husband cheated with women much less attractive than I am. It works both ways, it's all about that addictive feeling to new, new relationship energy and newness of.

It takes a long, long time to get over the betrayal, PTSD... sets in...

Try your best to actually get to the gym, do it for you NOT HIM. Work on you, decide in a year or two if you want to stay with the cheater.
CONCENTRATE ON YOU!

I simply cannot separate the adultery issue from that question. I do wholly believe that had he done the same a year earlier, before he ever touched or expressed love to another woman, I would've reacted differently. My husband is aware of a medical condition I have that limits the use of my right side. Exercise is helpful for mobility, but I am limited as to what I can do. I can walk the treadmill, but no faster than 3 mph, and some days I can't even do that. Bicycles and ellipticals are off limits. I can work any machine that doesn't overtax or twist the knee or hip. My medical problems are hard enough to deal with, without an infidelity nightmare piled on top!!

I did go to the gym regularly for two months. Then I blurted to my husband that I was offended. He seemed to be floored and told me he just thought it was a good way to spend time together; he didnt intend to offend me. Even though I heard that, I cannot erase from my mind that the woman was a fitness freak. (It was all over her Facebook.) It makes me question his true motivation. I guess I feel like if I have to embody the other woman's lifestyle and attitude and super fit physique to win back my husband, it just won't be worth it.

I am so confused...the gym message did seem to scream, "You're not good enough!"

My husband tried with prettier girls but they were not receptive. I think it takes someone who is a little sick. Some feelings of inadequacy or loneliness. All of the women who were opened to cheat with my husband cheated with others. Two were married with very young children. It really has nothing to do with you. It sucks because when my husband said that I wished that at some point it would have. I can't change anything.

Abyss-

We that have been betrayed have a very hard time separating everything from adultery, for quite a long while anyhow. The person who committed the betrayal had time to process their actions while we were blindsided, our brains have been altered, it's a very real form of PTSD. I have been there.
I can understand how the GYM would make you feel like he wants to change you. Again, adultery aside... many of us want to change our spouses; physiques, habits, laziness, attitudes at times etc.. etc... When adultery enters the equation all is amplified for the betrayed, not so for the betrayer. They easily have compartmentalized, justified, given themselves all the excuses they need to commit the acts and continue the acts.
My advice is still- concentrate on you! YOU, not his screwed up actions, not the adultery... the more you can get your thoughts away from being betrayed the more quickly your brain can heal and then you can think of WHAT YOU really want in life now. (Now being a few years from now because unless you have the means and wherewithal you will be stuck for sometime right where you are).

As for your physical limitations, I don't know what to say. Maybe access to a local Y for swimming, talk to a Dr about seeing a physical therapist more regularly.
I have to apologize if this is choppy and/or incomplete, I had a cup of coffee and the caffeine is limiting my ability to concentrate!