New to this but seeking a forum to express my thoughts, feelings, and internal turmoils regarding my husbands affair.

I am so sorry... I want to yell good riddance! but I know from personal experience that it doesn't work like that when you are dealing with it yourself. so I will just say I am sorry and I wish the best for you. you are not alone.

Hi Elizabeth Rose,

I am very sorry for what you are going through. I am not in a good place right now, but I will offer the best advice I can. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! He is not taking care of you, and he still is disrespcting you every day. Like you my fiance of 8 years is in the military, he has been on 2 year deployments. I never thought he cheated on me, EVER! Not until 2 years after returning, I caught him red handed with another woman on his lap. Hmmmm, don't let me forget to tell you, his pants were down, and they were in the car having sex. So now I have to question all the years we had together. Funny every deployement he came home and showed me a TON of pics that were on his Hard Drive. One time I see a topless girl in a pic, and I asked who she was, he causlly scrolled really fast past her, and then cliamed he didn't know what I was talking about. LAter I caught him trying to move the pic to another folder. He told me it was a stripper that his "single" friends brought back to the hotel. He just took some pics!!!!!!!!!!! I guess I have stupid written on my forehead. I moved out of our house about a month ago becuase I found an email from the current whore he is sleeping with. I wouldn't normally call another female that, but the fact that she knew about me, the fact that she can tell me he still loves me, and the fact that she just can't let him be and let him figure out himself. Anyway I found and email that proved they were still speaking, even after the infidelity, I said I would forgive him, I begged him to cut her off, and he didn't. Now he wants to tell me she is a good friend. Hmmmm, well okay, then if you can't let her go, and you have only known her for 6 months, and you have known me for 10 years, you just lost 10 years, for 6 months, of whatever you want to call it.

I hate him, I hate her, I hate everything about what he did. And every day I tell myself I am not going to let him suck me back in, but I do. One lady on here posted something to me recently and she said every time I get sucked back in I start from day one again. Well not anymore BUDDY! He will not control me, or my feelings.

Oh on top of the cheating, he also beat my a$$ on a weekly basis. Maybe not weekly, but every other week. If I got out of line, or if things didn't go his way. It got really bad when we were screaming about his infidelity. But don't think that was when it started. It started after the deployments. Never laid a hand on me until after his first deployment. Started with a shove, then moved to grabing pulling, punching (closed Fist), slapping choking. You name it, he did it to me. The last time, I told him he better kill me because this was something I would never forget.

Please take time for yourself to heal, if you really want him, let him prove it. I am sure there is a chance he can, only if he wants too, and if he doesn't put in the work, then he doesn't deserve you. Remember he hurt you, not the other way around.

Ange29 please get away from him before he kills you - abusers don't get better without a LOT of professional health and reading your remarks I'm concerned for your safety.

Elizabethh Rose, I agree - take care of yourself. And don't worry about him, until he stops cheating and sincerely apologizes he cannot be trusted and that may never happen.

I suspected the jerk (my husband) was having an affair 3 months ago when he came home with this elaborate story about rumors going around the office that he was having an affair with a new coworker and I totally blind - believed him! Then the phone calls and text messages started and one day I checked his phone and found it was a girl named Rachel who was NOT new at the office - she's been ordering Avon from me thru him for over a year. Then the texting got bolder and more frequently and a little over 2 weeks ago he was stupid enough to have her here in our home while I was at work. I didn't catch them in the act but when I surprised him by arriving home 2 hours early (my daughter had called to tell me the girl was in our house), the girl was gone and my husband was still naked and when he saw me he ran and hid in the closet!

To this day - he says he can't be near me now because I hurt him deeply by accusing him of having an affair and he did say once that he really made a mess of things but the apology I was waiting for hasn't happened yet.

I take the spiritual road to a certain point here - I pray for him and have friends and family praying for him but at the same time I'm looking to get away because I don't know what will happen next. And when I feel really weak, I play my music (usually in my car) very loud and some of the best breakup/I hate men stuff is from P!nk but heck even Taylor Swift has a great song about a cheater called Should Have Said No.

Elizabeth Rose: I would not wait for God to lead him in the right direction. The writing is on the wall, and you have waited long enough. His affair is not God's doing, and neither is his disrespect and disregard toward you in the aftermath. This man has not ended contact with the woman he had an affair with. You have proof they are still connected. That says it all. His actions say he does not care how you feel. Your actions say that he can stomp on you and you will still be there for him. You have no reason to trust him. Pray for God to lead YOU (the only one you can control anyway) in the right direction. I must disclose that I did divorce my husband as a result of infidelity.

Elizabeth, please take all you need to let this sink in & then consider which options are open to you as deception doesnt belong in any relationship. I understand you expecting another child will greatly sway your decisions, please keep in mind that having this type of bad male role modeling will only open up a whole other can of worms later for you & children (kids learn what they live in).

Your husband needs to put his big boy pants on & not be so self absorbed, obviously he wasnt considering anyone while he embarked on his affair & yes as you described people do find solace in hanging out with others that have been losers at relationships yet they dont seem to learn WHY the relationship was thrown in the ditch. Learn things for yourself & he might take notice that your going to proceed forward regardless of his immaturity & he may grow up a bit & take a better path with you, if not then be prepared as much as possible, doesnt hurt & will carry you & kids further in life.

Stand up for yourself & kids, someone has to cause he didnt so lead this through, even small steps are a beginning, start w/counselor one on one if affordable.

Elizabeth Rose, My ex husband did a very similar thing. He also claimed that he had no contact with the women he was cheating on me with, but a simple search into his email proved otherwise. It is obvious that he is not over this women and if he really cared about your feelings he would stop all contact with her in order to make you feel better. I begged my ex to stop communicating with this women (even before I knew they were having an affair). It didnt' matter how many tears I shed, he continued. Men like that are selfish and no matter how hard you pray they will not change. Instead of praying for him, try to pray for yourself. Pray that you will have the strength to leave him behind and start a new life for yourself free from the stress of having to worry about a cheating spouse. I've been where you are and trust me being alone again is scary but not as scary as living your life in fear. Take care.

Shania, I agree with you. I had to give my ex to God to work on the way God saw fit and I prayed God would have His way with me. I really thought God was going to restore my marriage but instead He revealed horrible thinigs to me about my ex and then gave me a safe and affordable place to live.

These days I tell people I simply close my eyes to my own plans and ask God what He would have me to do next. It isn't easy because I'm such a control freak but I am learning to let go and let God.

Take it one day at a time or in my case as I often have to do - take it one hour at a time.