Just need other's to talk to so I know I am not crazy

I think it's a lot easier for other people to have opinions when they havent been there. It's easy for them to say "get over it" because they don't know the depths of despair that it can cause. Life isnt the same. Infidelity not only shatters your views of you marriage, but life all around. It's not easy to pick up the prices and try to connect your life back together. Did you say you are two years out?

My life changed forever April 17, 2010. But it was only beginning of my discoveries.

I am not sure if it is easy for others to comment at all. Really what can you say to someone? You don't know their heart. My best friend tried. She lost a son suddenly. She compared it to the loss of a loved one because it is what she knew. I do not blame her for not knowing what to say. I think my statement about "shut up and leave" is more my inner voice than my friends and family.

Good post, as mentioned, the relationship IS forever altered, however, it doesnt mean it cant be rebuilt w/whats been learned & now is when you'll be able to sort out what both of you are truely made of.

Does anyone know if there is an organization or group that has meetings to help with this? I have been to therapy. I want to be with others like me. People who know. This is a great place to visit but it is not giving me the feeling of a healthy outlet, and the feedback seems slow.

Unfortunately, it probably depends on your local community. Call your local United Way office. They typically have a list of community resources.

Also try looking online for any face to face meetings to attend in your area, some churches offer assistance too.

I'm looking for a chat room to go into, to chat live about it. I'm also 2 years old, and still struggling significantly with my husband's betrayal. I was blind-sided, like so many, and never saw it coming. It shattered me to the core, and I have not yet recovered. It is helpful to read these posts and hear others are in the same boat as me and that I'm not crazy. I would like to chat, though, more live, less "email effect" with others, male and female, to help me get through this - - if that is at all possible....

I know what you mean, RobDC. My life and my outlook in life has forever changed. I am three months out, and realized that my family support had to lessen after about the first month. My older sister and mother had been a huge support at first, but one day when I was pouring out my soul to my mom, I realized she was waaaay past my crisis. After about two minutes, she had shifted the conversation to talking about a fight she had just had with her partner in a floral/event planning business. The argument was over the amount of diversity of flower types in arrangements at a wedding. There was creative disparity and a disagreement over what the bride wanted. I listened politely, all the while screaming in my head, "Don't you understand how trivial and ridiculous you sound? Who cares? Hello! My world has fallen apart!"

Then it hit me. Unless it has happened to you, you really can't fathom the devastation. I wouldn't have been able to just a few months ago myself. I knew I would have to find support elsewhere. I have been helped by a string of therapists. The latest I've been seeing for about two months, along with my husband. I do feel like one hour a week is not enough, so I am also using bibliotherapy (i.e., reading a bunch of books). A book called "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass was the most helpful. I am now reading it a second time. It focuses on workplace dangers, which was helpful since that was our experience. Even with counseling and bibliotherapy, I still feel I need more support, which is why I landed on his forum.

My husband has said similar things, that he never felt good enough, that he became addicted to this other woman's adoration because he felt he could never measure up. He has also acted fragile at times, saying he doesn't think he can bear the weight of the guilt. Still yet, I don't let him off the hook. Many husbands redirect blame after their affairs. My husband has subsequently blamed me, the other woman, his insecurities, his rough childhood, his promotion to an executive position and the unexpected emptiness it brought... the list goes on and on. In the end, he had to face the fact that the affair occurred because of his own character flaws and a series of massively poor decisions. We all have insecurities and demons to deal with, but we all do not all leave our marriage to deal with them. He has had to face what he did to me (and to his children), and part of that means helping me through this. There are some things that only the betrayer can heal. The discussions we had in the beginning, knocking down walls, opening windows into the affair, were painful...they still are. But it was necessary. Part of my husband's job in this is to reassure me by initiating contact on his own, just to tell me where he is and what he is doing. I too don't want to feel like a husband cop, so his contacting me on his own has a different effect on me. He also has to allow me to peruse his computer, iPad, and phone, whenever I feel like it. I don't like it, so I rarely do it, but he knows complete transparency is required. I sometimes resent that I cannot trust him anymore, but it was his extreme freedom and an autonomous lifestyle that enabled the infidelity in the first place.

I have looked all over. I found a church but it was a couple thing and my husband cannot handle the thoughts I am dealing with and religion just makes him feel guilty and even more unworthy.
I would like the live chat thing. I just don't want it to be deconstructive. I have lots of people who think I should leave. None think I should stay. I want to talk to others who get that struggle in a positive way.
I have read about retraining my brain but it isn't working when I look at seemingly innocent things like shoes, old pictures, and valentine cards that magnify the betrayal and bring it right back. How do you pick a Valentine card? If I don't he will just know I don't love him or forgive him. The statement about screaming in my head is so true. I do it all the time.
Sorry I know this post is all over the place. But that is me now days.

RobDC I'm feel the same exact way....EXACTLY.