wow, sounds just like my situation. I have been with my husband for 26 years ( i started dating him in high school ) I just found out a month ago that he had a 2 day sexual incounter with someone. My husband has always made me feel like i was the only woman that existed in the worls and this has been the biggest shock to me. I have been devistated and can not seem to function at all. He, like your wife has been trying to do everything he can to save our marriage. I find myself up and down as far as this matter goes. My youngest daughter is 4, so i have alot to think about as far as if i stay or go. I have been unable to sleep, eat, etc. I am also unable to get the visions out of my head of the two of them together. I try to move my mind from it but i find myself replaying it in my mind over and over. We are going to see a marriage counselor, i guess thats where we will start. i am not sure where this will all end up for me, i find that i am sad, then angry, humiliated, so many different emotions i feel like i am on a roller coaster all day long. I guess i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I know the only way i will get through this is with God's help. I hope you find the strengh and i am sure you will, to get through this. Do you plan on staying in your marriage? Im sure what ever we both decide, we will both come out of this okay and stronger for it. Good luck.

Yonatan32. Been through what you are experiencing 4 years ago with my wife of 21 years, it is a very difficult place to be. Nothing seems to make sense anymore and it seems like you don't even know the person who you have committed your life to. you have everything you need to handle this situation. remember that the things you think about at night are never as bad the next day. Do not become a person that you do not want to be as that is the easiest trap to fall into. and be wary of advice from your friends, they mean well, but if they have never been where you are at, they really shouldn't be giving advice. this is just something you are going to have to face, I wish there were some short cuts, but I don't think there is. It will get better.

thanks to both of you that have responded... Rhonda, I decided to stay with the marriage, I really really do love her, i realized that less than two percent of her encompasses the evil and disgusting act that she did when she betrayed me, the other 98% is really a good person who appears to actually be as devastated that she cheated on me azs I am that she did it.

Teugene, can I just say WOW! what you have said hits so very close to home you seem to be reading my mind. One thing to let everyone know, Aside from my wife, myself the other man and his wife, only two other people know that an affair happened... they were present when the explosion happened and have supported us both in staying together but have offered no direct advice only as shoulder to cry on.

I have been going to a therapist and we are going to couples counseling. She has been trying to get into a therapist but (truthfully) there have been a set of really unfortunate events that actually took her usual therapist out of the picture. We both feel that the powers that be have been forcing her to struggle to remember how awful she was.... God finally intervened and she was able to get to a priest last week and it helped, she has an appointment scheduled for a new therapist but that is THREE weeks away. Honestly her lack to go is NOT from lack of trying.

Thanks again to both of you and I will work very hard on not turning into someone I do not want to be. If I did, I would not be able to live with myself.

Yonatan, therapists are correct that this marriage can be salvaged, especially since both parties are willing to work together towards building a more solid foundation with this relationship/marriage. There are no quick fix answers/advice as everyone responds differently and needs to consider what works best for them as the proceed through the ins & outs of whats been created as each instance/feeling arises.

Everyones time frame is different so please continue with us, talking things through at your convenience.

Do your best to NOT fall into the "Parental Role" figure, as that will create more resentment later on and folks have a tendency to start distancing themselves emotionally, so DO continue to keep that door open/the lines of communication.

Your not alone YON,
Our stories are very similar. ( i believe most infidelities are similar)
I discivered my wifes affair over a year ago and i can tell you that the pain doesnt diminish when yiu think about it but that in time you will be able to think about other things, anf that you will make new, good memories regardless of how you choose to proceed. Dont be discouraged when you have terrible days filled,with self doubt and pity, try to envision that good day or two that,is inevitably around the corner. Rant and rave here when you need to, it works. Keep active, mind and body, you know that the idle hours are the worst.
Remember that while you may have made mistakes in your marriage, this was her problem, her weakness, not yours. You were in the same relationship and took a different path. If she is remorsefull then pity the mistake even though you hate the result and take some comfort in the knowlege that she is in your house, not his.
Best of luck