False hope

And I know she's going to read this so just to let you know the little bit of my heart I exposed to you to try and allow love for you back in broke last night when you wouldn't do what I asked and not sure if I'm willing to give you another chance to hurt me anymore cause I just not sure i can take much more pain cause I have enough and im going to repair the damaged you caused to me myself and when I'm done I'll decide if there's a place in my heart for you anymore

My husband tried really hard to keep all his lies from coming out. That is all he tried really hard to do. After about 7 months of the truth being revealed he shut down and didn't want to talk about it anymore. I was tired of asking and have been waiting. I call what we have been doing since then "playing house".

My husband had "spurts" where he refused to answer any more questions.
I sat him down one night and told him.....if I allow my imagination to answer the questions in my head the answers I give myself may be far worse than the actual truth, I would much rather hear the truth from you. I also told him to think of me like a tea kettle that needs to blows steam to relieve pressure.
One way I have found that has helped is writing my questions down and emailing them to my husband. I allow him one week to answer my questions. I think he has come to realize that, even though I may rant and rave after reading the answers the venting I do helps in the long run. Once he allows me to blow my top we are actually able to sit down and discuss his answers.
Have you tried to explain to your wife your need to know and verify the truth? You may think you don't know your wife very well as we, the betrayed, always feel after our discoveries, but try to put your explanation in terms she can relate to.
If indeed she is reading the posts because she is trying I hope she understands that we can't be kept in the dark about anything! Our imagination is our worst enemy, once betrayed we feel our spouses are capable of almost anything and our imaginations can sometimes lead us to believe the worst. If she is sincere I hope she listens to your words.
No one can answer for your wife but her. One thing I think we have all learned is that the truth always comes out so hiding things from us, no matter what the reason, is not going to resolve anything. Ignoring this will not make it go away.
For those betrayers who are sincere in wanting to work things out listen to your spouses, they know what they need to heal and your actions are the primary that will allow them to do so. Let your actions speak louder than your words now.

One more thing Jay.....go with your heart. Listen to that little voice....whatever that voice is telling you is probably true.

Thank you mscandy I've explained all I that to her and more and what I wanted with that phone call was to verify the story so I could kill the one my mind cooked up and also I knew it would be hard for her to do it and wanted to see if she would be willing to go through that for me and she wasn't I wasn't even worth a phone call

Jay.....
It sucks to feel the way you do. Been there, done that and sad to say I feel I will always be that way, at least until I get fed up and leave. ( and there are many days when I teeter on that threshold with one foot in and one foot out the door )
I wish I could say that she will come around but I can't.
You have to go with your gut feeling.
Only you know what you have to do and how much you will tolerate. You are the victim, not her. She caused the mistrust and she must do the work to rebuild it. You have to ask yourself how much you will put up with.
Stand up for yourself and remember that you are worth it and if she thinks you're not then you need to look within and start asking yourself if you can live with your feeling of worthlessness and remain in the relationship.
We are worthwhile and we need constant reassurance of that even if we can only get it from ourselves. How long do you want to tolerate her actions or lack of action making you feel this way?
The truth......I would feel the exact same way you do. If she is unwilling to make one phone call to ease your thoughts and fears she is hiding things from you. That is only my opinion and as I said before...only your wife knows why. My husband always said he didn't want to start another fight which always told me he was hiding things that he knew would hurt me. Eventually I would find that my gut feeling was right.

I agree that you will not ever get all the truths you want because the cheaters will never tell all. They do it thinking they are protecting you and also protecting their lies. I had to dig up all the facts and force the truth out, and I know she is still hiding stuff. Sorry, I know it sucks having a big void in your life and not being part of it really is an awful feeling.

I agree with MsCandy. Maybe you should do a lie detector test and get all the answers out at once. Write down questions let her know them in advance and she wont be able to lie. The only reason I can see she wouldn't want to do it is she is still hiding something. You have to know the truth and when the cheater doesn't give all the information at once (it trickles out) or lies it only makes the pain worse when the truth does come out and the truth ALWAYS comes out eventually. If she is still hiding something or lying and it sounds like she is then that is going to damage any effort to repair things.

Funny thing is I already set up one and she totally agreed to do it just haven't got around to doing it due to other things going on in life but it will happen I know I need to be sure about a few key things

Jay-

Lots of people, for whatever reason, are confident that they can fool a lie detector. My wife volunteered to take one about 20 minutes before I caught her in another lie. Or I bet it'll be, "those things aren't accurate, that's why you can't use them in court." Blah blah blah.

I feel for you man, but always trust your gut. I didn't and that's why I'm here.