Afraid my marraige is over

I am so sorry for your pain. I hope you have a good support network for yourself. If not I think you should get one. If he does not follow through with the marriage counselor find someone for you. It sounds like you are the only one who will put you first and take care of you. Do not put his needs in this situation before your own. You sound like you are in pain because this is hurting him but you can't make him better. You could be his happiness if you are healthy but you can't make him be happy in this situation. Let his pain be his jail not yours.

RobDC, thank you for your support.

We did see the counselor earlier this week and his advise was to separate. I left to stay with my mom because I felt it would be unfair to me to have to spend time in our house with all the memories and it would be difficult for me to take care of our daily routine things. Well, that lasted one night. He texted me the next afternoon at work and asked where we stood. I told him that was his call, but I didn't know for sure how long I could wait. He was surprised that I still wanted to be with him even after all he has put me through. He called that night (tearful) and said he was miserable without me next to him and he talked to the other woman and told her it was definately over this time and he wanted to be with me. He said he would spend the next year trying to make this up to me if he had to. I went home to him that night. It was a good night and morning for us. He had asked me to bare with him this week. I said i would. However, last night was not so good for either of us. I could tell he was still conflicted. More normal conversation but not without strain. (I didn't go home with a false sense of hope, I knew it would be hard.) I don't think he will contact the other woman because he has already caused her so much pain and confusion. I just wonder how long I can bare with him. It is just so hard to be the way we were.

I am not sure you will ever be the way you were but you can certainly work at creating a new happy life together. Just a suggestion, my regrets from my situation, have him write a no contact letter to the other woman and you read it, approve it and send it. You have to see the letter being sent. I know they say it is over but 3 weeks down the road the other woman could get lonely and start missing him and send another text/email/call and that starts the entire healing process all over again even if he doesn't respond. Discovering there is still contact down the road destroys any trust that you are trying to rebuild and hurts like hell.

Also take time for yourself to grieve the old relationship and start your healing process, at least a couple of days. Let him know you are willing to work on it but need a few days for yourself. I know you are eager to move forward and start working on your marriage but if you don't work on you first then it will be very hard to get passed what he has done to you. I do believe the decision to stay and work on the relationship is a lot harder then divorcing. Good luck, I hope the best for you.

Jen, I do hope you find all the support you need here w/us & do take it slowly as you ride the ups & downs emotionally & continue talking w/counselor, I'd advise one on one counseling, that way you wont feel you cant really say how or what your feeling/experiencing.

If both partners are willing to go through the process of healing this relationship eventually, then it must be realized that it has to be done "Brick by Brick" w/alot of adjustments from both of you. I suggest you watch "Unfaithful" series, airs on OWN channel every Sat. @ 8pm or can be found online, it gives alot of insightful, useful information, w/therapists advice for whats necessary from both parties to rebuild whats been thrown into the ditch. I also suggest you read Kellie Montgomerys (SG therapist) post on 2/7/12, posted in the Relationship & Codependency categories, @ left side of page, Titled "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" Excellent advice for relationships.

Again, I hope you'll stay with us for added, continued support & do try to take care of you, first & foremost.

All my strengths friend.

April

Thank you all for your support.

So Alone, I will give your suggestion of a no contact letter serious thought. April, I have heard of the "Unfaithful" series, but I was thinking it would be too painful to watch right now. But maybe I should give it a try.

I hope I get to a point that I can provide support to others in my situation. I guess it is common for women, but I feel selfish for thinking of myself right now. With everyone's support, both here and in my personal relationships, I am having a better day and I plan to go home this evening and do only what I want to do for me!

Thanks again.